Feelings
by Thomas Myers
Summary: Data has a conversation with Counselor Troi that culminates in a life altering decision.


Title: Feelings  
  
Author: Thomas Myers  
  
E-Mail: MagicCG23@aol.com  
  
Fandom: TNG  
  
Rating: G  
  
Disclaimer: Paramount owns these characters. I'm not trying to take them.  
  
"Deanna, may I speak with you?" The golden android stood just outside of the empath's quarters. He looked nervous and confused. Normally when Data had a problem, he would talk to Geordi. As the chief engineer, Commander LaForge had spent more time with Data than anyone. The result was a close friendship.  
  
"Of course, Data. Why don't you come in and make yourself comfortable?" Deanna was quite surprised. She only remembered a handful of times in which Data had come to her for counsel. Data entered her quarters.  
  
"Thank you, Counselor. I must point out that as an android, I have no muscles, blood vessels or other organic systems to exhaust. As a result I do not require comfort."  
  
Deanna smiled. "Of course not, Data. Sit down and tell me what's on your mind." Deanna almost immediately bit her tongue, expecting the android to go into a dissertation on how his mind is not a physically tangible object so there could therefore be nothing "on" it.  
  
"Feelings are on my mind."  
  
"Hmm. I have, indeed, been sensing a great deal of confusion and turmoil from you. Exactly what is it about feelings that is bothering you?"  
  
"I am curious, Counselor. I am aware that as an empath you are capable of sensing emotion from the minds of others however, I have observed that full Betazoids are incapable of reading my thoughts. How is it that you are capable of sensing my emotional state?"  
  
"Well, I'm not really sure that I know the answer to that. I can give you my own theory as a trained psychologist."  
  
"Please."  
  
"The mind is all of our experiences and thoughts that we store inside. A person can't see those things unless he or she is telepathic. Emotions are something quite different. They emanate from a person. They radiate. This is something that a person can see. A full Betazoid can read thoughts and emotions. These are two very different kinds of energy. Perhaps it is that, since you have a positronic brain, a full telepath cannot read your thoughts because his or her mental energy is incompatible. Perhaps the reason that I can read your emotion is because that energy is something closer to what we organic beings feel. In that sense, I think that emotion is a much more universal form of energy. Perhaps it is even a universal language, which some day we may be able to interpret. Now are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"  
  
"I was tempted by her offer."  
  
"Whose offer?"  
  
"The Borg Queen. She had offered to give me flesh and blood. She had offered to make me an equal to her. For the span of zero point six eight seconds I considered betraying this ship and its crew. My emotions had impaired me for that period of time. I cannot allow that to happen again."  
  
Deanna thought about what Data had just said. She felt a sudden uncertainty from him. Perhaps he had thought she was disturbed or distressed by this revelation. She wasn't disturbed or distressed at all. In fact, she had heard similar stories so often from so many people that the idea that this might have disturbed her was this side of ridiculous. She also sensed that there was something else beneath all of this, but she would get to that later. "Data, people feel these things all the time. It's well documented. Even in mythology we often see the hero of some story being tempted by the proverbial devil, and more often than not, these heroes actually consider what they are being offered.  
  
"Data, the fact is that your momentary lapse of judgment was not only normal, but it was perfectly understandable. One could say that you were being offered the chance of a lifetime. Who wouldn't be tempted? How could you not be tempted? What matters is that in the end you overcame this temptation. You didn't allow your emotions to control you. I don't think you realize just how much that says about you as a person. I don't think you're aware of just how closely that defines you as Human."  
  
"Perhaps. Nonetheless, I must consider the fact that this momentary lapse had the potential to place this ship in serious jeopardy. Had I not been able to overcome this temptation, it is likely that Zephram Cochran would have failed and Earth would have been assimilated. Without these emotions, I would have been able to more clearly rationalize. I may have been able to determine a solution to our dilemma before we were able to suffer a significant loss of life."  
  
"Data, there's an old saying. 'Hindsight is twenty/twenty.' It means that we really cannot see beyond the decisions we make. We only realize the proper course of action once we've taken an action. The problem is that even in hindsight, we may be wrong. If we could go back in time and change everything, how do we know that this wouldn't simply make matters worse?  
  
"Data, every one of us, at one time or another, wishes that we didn't have our emotions. We all face these questions and we all face these problems, and we don't have an emotion chip that we can just turn off. We have to live with the hand that life has dealt. Even I have been tempted before, and I've overcome. Data, I think you've got the hang of these emotions, but I think that you have been somewhat disappointed in them. Don't give up on them just yet."  
  
"I have not, Counselor. There is something else, which concerns this matter."  
  
"I thought so. I'm listening."  
  
"Ever since I was activated I have endeavored to become more Human. Three years ago, I had this emotion chip installed in the hopes that it would help me to do just that. It has helped me to behave more like a Human, but where actually becoming more Human is concerned, I find that it has actually hindered my quest. It is true that my emotions have assisted me in my endeavor a great deal, but I find that they have often impaired my perception and function. At times, I find myself overwhelmed by these emotions. They also tend to prevent me from understanding Human behavior. It is for this reason that I have decided to restrict the use of my emotion chip. I have decided to remove it."  
  
"'Remove it?' Data, are you certain this is what you want to do?"  
  
"I am quite certain, Counselor. There was a time in which I desired to understand emotions. For me, they have served their purpose. I no longer require them, need them or want them."  
  
This alarmed Deanna. For a moment, she was not certain how to respond. "Data, Human's don't have that option. I'm not certain that this will help you in your endeavor to become more Human, and I certainly don't think that they have hindered your quest. Data, emotions are an integral part of being Human. They are part of what defines us. If we simply remove them, we would be denying a great deal of what makes us Human."  
  
"I believe that there is more to being Human than that, Counselor. I also believe that emotions do not entirely factor into your Human nature. James T. Kirk once said that everyone is Human. Therefore, I give you Vulcans as the example. They are born with emotions, yet they repress them so completely that some people have compared them to machines. This, in my opinion, is an unfair comparison. Vulcans are still capable of feeling and experiencing emotion, yet they choose not to. They have made an enormous sacrifice for the betterment of their society and their people. The life that they have chosen is an extremely difficult one. The result has been a race with a higher understanding of what it means to be a living individual. They understand what pain, suffering and sacrifice is. They understand what joy, euphoria and bliss is. It is worth noting that James T. Kirk once said of the now Ambassador Spock, that of all the souls he had encountered, his [Spock's] was the most Human."  
  
Deanna closed her eyes and opened them again. She could not deny what Data had said. She could not help but feel that Data was possibly making a mistake. She also understood that Data had clearly reached a point of transition. Who knows? Perhaps he is making the right choice. "I just want you to be sure that this is the best course of action. I understand what you are saying about sacrifice, and I do agree that there is more to being Human than just emotions. What I wonder is, if you're choosing the Vulcan path to discovering what it is to be Human, taking into account the words of Captain Kirk, are you certain that you are ready for this?"  
  
"Quite certain. Perhaps someday, I will reinsert the emotion chip, but not until I feel that I am fully prepared. Thank you for your time, Counselor." Data stood up and left, bidding her farewell.  
  
For Counselor Deanna Troi, it was a time of uncertainty. After all the changes that Data had gone through since coming aboard Enterprise, she couldn't help but think that he was now reverting. She couldn't help but feel that his experience with Borg had frightened him back to safer waters. What was it really to be Human? Did she know the answer to that? Did anyone really know the answer to that? Considering the words of James T. Kirk, was anybody truly qualified to define the word 'Human'? The thing was that it was entirely possible that Data had a better understanding of what it was to be Human than any other living being.  
  
This exchange had deeply troubled her. She would talk to Jean-Luc about it in the morning. For now, she had to something to take her mind off of what Data had told her, otherwise she would never get any sleep. She walked over to the replicator. She simply could not still her fears and doubts. Well, where psychology failed, a double fudge sundae would always succeed.  
  
Finis. 


End file.
